These Are For US

Other people’s successes can hit you hard, admits Deborah – until you realise a very comforting truth

- Deborah Hill Cone

Am I nice person? I’m not so sure. I can be pretty generous. I’ll pay for lunch and I like giving stuff away: socialist redistribution of sunglasses. If required, I can step up as a casserole-maker in a crisis. I’m happy to take your kids so you can have a break. Oh, and I’m more than happy to listen to any of the shittier aspects of your life with lots of understanding nodding.

I don’t deserve any credit for this. There is no virtue in being kind to people who are having a hard time, who are vulnerable. That’s a doddle. But what about people who are ‘zip-a-dee-doo-dah’ and on top of the world? That’s not so easy.

Can you be genuinely, uncomplicatedly thrilled when a friend has some spectacular glamorous success that involves free business class travel and canapés? “So utterly humbled my book has made it  onto another ‘best of’ list. That’s 19 and counting. #blushing.” You know that saying: ‘When my friend succeeds a little bit inside me dies’?

I was hoping to say I don’t feel so snarky about people who have achievements not in my purview – say they win medals for sports (I’m not sporty) or have children who are head prefect or something (my  kids go to an alternative school so don’t have to do that stuff).

But then I shamefully realised how I had to grit my teeth just a little bit to send clapping emojis to a friend about their new baby – I’m not having another one of those at 50, so surely not jealous? So maybe any event that is joyous for others brings out my mean-spirited side. What’s wrong with me that I have to take other people’s achievements, even the ones I don’t want, as a personal affront?