What If... anything could be traded?

EVERYONE HAS A DREAM TRADE.

- Sam Page

Typically, it's three or four disappointing players leaving their favorite team in return for someone else's best player. But to quote the famous philosopher SpongeBob SquarePants: "This is a dream! You can do anything you want!" So why not imagine something even more fantastic than Shohei Ohtani getting swapped for half a Triple A bullpen?

After all, teams can trade whatever they want. The New England Patriots sent the New York Jets their 2000 first-round pick for the opportunity to interview Bill Belichick for their head coaching job. The Milwaukee Brewers got reliever Tim Fortugno in 1989 for 144 baseballs and $2,500. Odd deals usually are like one of these two examples: lopsided or trivial.

So in the spirit of Mr. SquarePants, here are four outlandish trades that are win-wins, as mutually beneficial as they are unlikely. And this time, everything is on the table: mascots, jerseys, colors ... even topographical features.

Memphis trades: the Grizzlies name 

Calgary trades: the Flames name

An NHL team trading with an NBA team? Why not?

Despite playing different sports, the Grizzlies and Flames have a similar history. The Grizzlies moved from Canada, specifically Vancouver, to the American South. The Flames did the opposite, moving from Atlanta to their current home in Calgary.

Both teams kept their inherited mascots when they moved because both team names are fierce and cool. They don't make any sense, though. Even 10,000 years ago, when the grizzly bear roamed North America freely, it never reached as far south and east as West Tennessee. The state has plenty of black bears, but the only grizzlies play basketball.

The Atlanta Flames name referenced the Battle of Atlanta, the Civil War siege that ended with the city ablaze. The name makes sense for Calgary only insofar as their Alberta rivals have a highly flammable name: the Edmonton Oilers.