THE Homecoming

by Uma Sharma

How do you pretend that nothing has happened? I can't! I tried not to think of the grave, dark thoughts but they are my constant companion. Like a loyal pet always quietly waiting in the background while I thought they were gone. Well, I can't describe them lurking in the dark. They are docile, waiting to be acknowledged, silently waiting for their turn which they deserve as I have created them somewhere in the past. They were born in those moments of anger when I clouded my mind with myopic judgments. I took a few deep breaths and looked outside my window. A round ball of the orange sun looked back at me. A silent breeze passed my face ruffling the strands of hair falling loosely on my face. The queued thoughts started to trickle like children in the park. It's no stopping them I gave in.

It's miraculous how we fall victim to our own misgivings, denying ourselves the gratification of our own purpose, aimlessly moving from one doubt to another. It is indescribable how gradually we become worthless in our own eyes. I walk over to the kitchen to take out yesterday's leftovers from the refrigerator to reheat. Rahul is out of town so no need to cook dinner. I can eat my dinner quietly and fall back into my reverie. It's nice to be alone. The lamp on the side of the sofa gleams its shadow creating patterns on the wall.

No matter how much try to forget about him he finds his way into my thoughts. It's been a year since I last met Soham. His face still lingers in my thoughts. Sometimes I call his name.

There are times when I don't feel anything except anger for him, the squeamish hot feeling in my gut. I want to cry but tears seem to elude me like him.