A DIFFERENT KIND OF CHEATING

An emotional affair can be even more damaging to a relationship than sexual infidelity. Here are the warning signs that should ring alarm bells

- JACO-HOUGH COETZEE

IT STARTS out quite innocently – just a casual friendship with a work colleague who you enjoy talking to around the water cooler. But then the chats become more frequent and spill over into after-work drinks and before you know it you’re sharing your deepest desires and secrets with each other instead of your respective partners.

It can happen so easily when you’re spending most of your time together. But when a friendship develops into an emotional relationship, you need to be careful, experts warn – because there is such a thing as an emotional affair – and it can ruin your marriage or long-term relationship.

“An affair doesn’t always mean jumping into bed with someone,” says Dr Elmari Craig, a sexologist and relationship therapist from Pretoria.

That doesn’t mean all friendships based on a strong connection are taboo, she adds. “As long as you’re aware of the pitfalls and set clear boundaries.”

Red flags should go up if you’re giving more attention, understanding and time to someone other than your partner, says Deon du Toit, a pastoral counsellor from Pretoria. “That opens the door to an emotional affair, which can easily develop into a physical relationship.”

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

There are no hard and fast rules to where a friendship ends and an emotional affair starts, says Zakir Mahomedy, a Durban life coach specialising in relationships.