Transitioning in the Age of Zoom

Revealing changes in your gender presentation can be complicated when you havent seen family or coworkers in person in months...or even years.

- LAUREN ROWELLO

I nudged my wife, Brenan, as the alarm blared through our bedroom, tousling her bedhead and reminding her that she was late for work. She stood up with a stretch before plopping down in front of a lighted mirror to apply foundation, mascara, and a bold red lip. It was the height of the pandemic, when we were all still in quarantine, and she worked from the living room, liberated from the button-ups and neckties expected at the office. She shaved her beard, grew out her hair, and chose clothes that felt affirming and empowering.

Brenan started hormone replacement therapy a few weeks before the Covid-19 lockdown began in our state. And so, when her office closed in March of 2020, a week before her 30th birthday, she breathed a sigh of relief at the idea of spending more time alone. It gave her space to get acquainted with her body’s changes and to experiment with new looks, without the pressure to blend into society’s gender norms, which wasn’t an issue at home. She didn’t have to fear rejection the way she might have if she were still leading in-person meetings as a cybersecurity executive at a growing firm.

It was the first time my wife lived without the burden of other people’s expectations, and this enabled her to develop a strong sense of who she is. For LGBTQ+ people who were quarantining with supportive friends, family, or a partner, it was “an opportunity to better explore and understand themselves,” says Jeffrey Cohen, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist at Columbia University Medical Center who sees transgender patients and has been leading a virtual therapy group for LGBTQ+ people since the pandemic began.