Happily never after

Self-help techniques, while giving temporary succour, only serve to perpetuate the illusory notion we harbour of living happily ever after, explains Ajay Kalra

- Ajay Kalra

In my quest for self-discovery, I have dabbled in a number of self-help techniques: psychoanalysis, past life regression, psychodrama, inner child healing, body wisdom, family constellations, landmark forum, process work, group relation conference, interplay, gestalt, emotional freedom technique, cathartic writing, transactional analysis, dream interpretation, and narrative therapy. No wonder someone once called me "an incorrigible seeker of the intangibles."

I was obsessed with understanding and healing myself. In the hope that once I uncovered all my unconscious patterns and healed my emotional wounds, I would be free of anxiety and conflict, and live happily ever after. But that happily ever after never came. Life continued with its usual confusion and turmoil.

There were three stages I went through, every time I engaged in a new self-help method:

Hope

Whenever I came across a technique that I felt would free me from my mental conflict, I felt hopeful. I felt this method, tool, technique, philosophy, or approach would rescue me from my doubts, fears, and anxieties. When I was done with it, or when it was done with me, I would be free of all the obstacles blocking my progress to live a successful and happy life.

Immersion

During this stage, I would submit myself to the wisdom of each approach. Some approaches were cognitive, some evoked emotion, some delved into the past, some focussed on solutions, some emphasised relations, and some highlighted connections. Each approach invited me to align my thought processes to their way of thinking. Each self-help method was like a mini-religion; it had its own philosophy. And its share of devout followers.

Parting