WE MAY THINK of toxic behavior as tossing insults or hurling plates. Often, though, it's much more subtle. Those little white lies you tell to avoid owning up to mistakes? A kind of gaslighting. Letting out a loud sigh when cleaning up a mess your spouse left? A wee bit passive-aggressive. Sometimes these actions are intentional. Sometimes they happen without much thought. Either way, they're not great. And they can erode the bonds of a relationship, warns Robin Stern, PhD, cofounder of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and senior adviser to its director. "That's why it's so important to identify and talk through what's happening," she adds. The first step is understanding toxicity so you can spot it in yourself and others. The next is dealing with it, and that can be hard. Confronting your own or a loved one's icky behavior and tackling the "why" is serious work. So we asked experts how to overcome three common negative ways of relating in a relationship.
Passive Aggression
This is when someone says, "Hey, I'm upset with you," without actually verbalizing it, explains psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, author of Healing from Toxic Relationships. Examples include loading the dishwasher and slamming the door shut because no one helped you, "forgetting" (but not really) to do something necessary, or the classic move: giving someone the silent treatment. Passive aggression is first in our list of bad behavior because, well, it's just such a thing. Many people, particularly women, develop passive-aggressive habits at a young age to cope with internalized anger or frustration, says Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver. "So many of us have been trained to be nonconfrontational," she says. Instead of voicing our grievances, we bottle them up, then lash out in subtle ways.
WHEN YOU'RE THE CULPRIT
Diese Geschichte stammt aus der October 2023-Ausgabe von Real Simple.
Starten Sie Ihre 7-tägige kostenlose Testversion von Magzter GOLD, um auf Tausende kuratierte Premium-Storys sowie über 8.000 Zeitschriften und Zeitungen zuzugreifen.
Bereits Abonnent ? Anmelden
Diese Geschichte stammt aus der October 2023-Ausgabe von Real Simple.
Starten Sie Ihre 7-tägige kostenlose Testversion von Magzter GOLD, um auf Tausende kuratierte Premium-Storys sowie über 8.000 Zeitschriften und Zeitungen zuzugreifen.
Bereits Abonnent? Anmelden
Christmas in the Desert
This Palm Springs home may be low on snow, but it's big on holiday cheer.
Treat Yourself
These festive sweets all start with a clever store-bought shortcut, so you can stay as cool as a...log of slice-and-bake cookie dough.
Appy Holidays
Not a typo! We'll be noshing our way through the season on these partyworthy nibbles. And we wish the same for you and yours.
Gift Guide
Got a few folks who stump you every year? Who may have regifted last year's present just as soon as they could? This is for you and for them. Pretty, fun, and even fabulous stuff at any price point. Every one is a keeper.
Now Hear This
If closed captions have become your best friend and it sounds like everyone around you is mumbling, we've got the latest feedback on why you're having hearing trouble-and what you can do about it.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
...is, actually, all the time! Whether you're looking to venture into the wintry world, stop to smell spring flowers, soak up the summer's warmth, or swim in fall's colors, these are the places that deliver.
A NO-STRESS GUIDE TO GIFT GIVING & RECEIVING
It's the thought that counts, right? Right?!
5 FINANCIAL MOVES TO MAKE BEFORE 2025
Don't drop the ball ahead of the ball drop!
NOT-SO-TALL TAILS
Three of the sweetest doggo adoption stories you ever did read
ELIMINATE PET HAIR
It's time to reclaim your sofas, carpets, and black pants.