(Heraclitus, Parmenides, Zeno, and Pyrrhon are sitting at a table in Athens. A worried-looking Athenian approaches.)
Athenian: Oh, you who are the wisest of men, I long for freedom from illusion, the hardest of chains and cruellest of servitudes!
Heraclitus: Tell us your problem with no hesitation. We gladly help the ones who seek for knowledge.
Athenian: I have heard it said that many philosophers claim that movement - that which seems most evident of all - is not real, but a mere phantasm. Tell me now, you with the brightest minds, is this so or is it not?
Parmenides: You came to the right place, friend, and I shall answer your question. Tell me, is it not true that if something moves, it either moves itself or is moved by another?
Athenian: Indeed.
Parmenides: Yet all that moves does so as a result of either pulling or pushing, may it be in whatever direction. So, if something moves itself, something needs to either pull or push itself. But something cannot be behind itself, nor can it be in front of itself, above itself, or under itself. Thus nothing can push or pull itself. Therefore, nothing can be moved by itself.
Athenian: You seem not to be wrong.
Parmenides: So, the only way in which something can move is if it is moved by another. Yet nothing can move something if it does not itself move first. Since the mover needs to be moved, we need a second mover to move the first. The same we need for the second mover. And so we need an initial mover that is moved by nothing other than itself. Nothing can move itself, as said already, so such an initial mover cannot exist. Thus there is no movement, and any movement you may think you see is a mere illusion.
Athenian: By Zeus!
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