MY OATH I'LL HAVE A PARTY

ABSOLUTELY no damn idea what day it actually is but evidently at some point soon we’re all supposed to get down on our knees before some bloke and swallow. Our pride, obviously, our pride…

With more bank holidays than ever, meaning many of us spending nearly as much time at home as your average civil servant, it’s tricky to keep up with the month let alone the actual day.

And some of us are obviously vague on the year too.

Otherwise how do you explain the medieval madness of ermine, crowns, sceptres, golden carriages and swearing allegiance to honour a family other than your own. Actually, even your own can be a bit tricky occasionally.

Nothing about this coming weekend’s Coronation of King Charles actually makes much sense viewed through the prism of the cost-of-living crisis, endless strikes, political shenanigans and the fact that it’s costing squillions of pounds none of us actually have. But, but, but…