Why is a 62-year-old white bloke threatened by Meghan?

Jeremy Clarkson has a fantasy. No, it's not about finally finding a car that can increase the size of his genitals.

- HARRIET WILLIAMSON

Or being served steak and chips by the BBC 24 hours a day, when he rings a little silver bell. Neither is it about picking up a rifle and shooting striking public sector workers in front of their children - that was back in 2011, do keep up!

This time, he's lying awake at night, imagining - nay, dreaming - of the day when Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, is "made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, 'Shame!' and throw lumps of excrement at her".

I didn't make that line up for effect. I didn't invent it to hammer home a point about Jeremy Clarkson and the kind of person who is seemingly endlessly rewarded by certain sections of the British media and the viewing public. I don't think that I could've come up with something so vile, even if I was trying to caricature him in the most extreme way possible.

These words are straight from the ex- Top Gear presenter's mouth (or rather, keyboard). In his column for the Sun newspaper this week, Clarkson told everyone that while he's "unable to sleep" at night, he grinds his teeth and recreates that scene from Game of Thrones, where Cersei Lannister is humiliated and spat at, dragged naked through King's Landing while angry bystanders throw shit at her.