How travelling without my children made me a better mum and wife

Taking off on a child-free trip is a great way to reconnect as a couple – and also makes us better parents. Just be clear about the agenda.

- Lianne Chia

It was midnight and my husband and I were sitting at a hot pot restaurant in Kuala Lumpur. Our dinner had been delayed for hours, and we were exhausted from half a day of travelling.

But as we grinned at each other over the bubbling hot pot, we couldn't have been happier.

We'd taken a weekend to travel up north – a jaunt seasoned travellers (or past versions of ourselves) would probably sniff at. But it was a big step for us.

For the first time in more than two years, we had left both our boys, a four-year-old and 10-month-old baby, behind.

We could travel light, do without the strollers and not worry about managing sleep schedules or choosing child-friendly destinations. The sense of freedom, as it hit me mid-hot-pot supper, was indescribable.

It took a lot to get us here.

NO TURNING BACK

We knew in theory that spending quality time together as a couple is essential for any marriage to thrive. That was why we had made it a point to schedule regular date nights once a week.

But I don't think either of us expected how dramatically our lives would change when our second child came along.

Yes, I'd gone through the bleary-eyed haze of new motherhood before, but having the big brother to take care of on top of the newborn meant there was little to no downtime for us.

(To be fair, my older son took the new arrival pretty well, but we, ourselves, still needed to make some adjustments for the baby.)

It was inevitable that something would have to give, and unfortunately, we ended up sacrificing the date nights. Each time we managed to go out by ourselves – whether on a simple coffee date or to celebrate a special occasion – felt like a hard-won battle.

When we did manage to make it out of the house, there would always be the familiar sense of time pressure lurking at the back of our minds, where I would subconsciously count down the minutes to when we would have to return home.