I'm Still Not Sure Anyone Can Beat Kansas City

I'm going to get to the NFL in a moment, but as I write this column Sunday night, my delighted children are skipping around the house, as their schools have declared a snow day. Keep in mind: Not a flake of snow has fallen from the sky, there's merely a forecast of incoming snow, and yet school officials are increasingly conscientious about weather safety, and also eager to suck up to the all-powerful sled industry.

- JASON GAY

Back in my time, of course, the school superintendent made this decision by letting his trusty old Labrador retriever out the back door in the morning. If he could see the poor dog's head poking out of the snow drifts, school remained in session. If he saw no dog at allor simply the dog's tail, pivoting back and forth, like a shark cruising the shallows? School was closed.

But I digress. On to the NFL.

I'm glad this regular season is over. A couple of years ago, the NFL expanded the schedule to 17 games, but it's starting to feel like 70.

I've watched too much bad football. I've watched too much Aaron Rodgers. I'm tired of games splattered all over the calendar, tired of two games on Monday nights, tired of Christmas football. It's high time for all those crummy teams to go home, learn how to garden, play terrible golf, and stop bothering the rest of us.

You know who you are, crummy teams. My eyeballs are relieved. Farewell.

Tanking: Fair or Foul?

One of those crummy teams, the New England Patriots, has already relieved its head coach. Jerod Mayo's out, after a single season in relief of Grumpy Lobster Boat Captain Bill Belichick, who endured for 24, six of which came with complimentary Super Bowl rings. Pats owner Robert Kraft didn't wait long to announce Mayo's dismissal after New England's season-ending win over Buffalo.

Excuse me, did you say season-ending win? Yes. New England wound up winning a game it was supposed to lose, which in the NFL is a sin worse than losing a game you're supposed to win. It's considered an especially egregious blunder because New England needed only to lose to clinch the league's worst record and the No. 1 pick in the upcoming college entry draft.