PROMOTING POSITIVE SELF-TALK IN CHILDREN

We examine ways to encourage good self-esteem and a healthy internal dialogue in your child with Kim Henderson, clinical psychologist at the German Neuroscience Center.

There has probably never been a time when children have been subject to so much external judgement, especially tweens and teens. Whether it’s endless academic evaluation, parental expectation, or social conformity (now turbo-charged by social media), growing up can feel like a hugely stressful time. As a result, children’s selfesteem can be affected and this provides a unique set of challenges for parents, who want to create a positive and supportive environment for them to flourish.

WHAT SHAPES SELF-ESTEEM?

Self-esteem is impacted by a range of different factors, including not just social circumstances but also health, personality type, age, life events and even genetics. It develops in early infancy, when the feeling of safety and acceptance is introduced, and is underlined by parents through praise and positive reinforcement as kids encounter new experiences and situations.

Once they start school, children are exposed to a new layer of scrutiny from peers and adults in an unfamiliar setting, all while learning and adapting to unfamiliar rules, both social, as well as institutional. This is where low self-esteem can manifest itself, and be compounded by negative messaging from teachers, friends, siblings and even parents. These negative messages then stay with young people far longer than positivity or praise. Children and teens are like sponges and will absorb the messaging they receive, internalising it as their inner dialogue towards themselves. Unfortunately negative reinforcement, experiences, feelings and words make a much deeper and longerlasting impression than positive ones, which are more easily forgotten.