Giving birth left me SUICIDAL

Alice Wright didn't experience the joy she'd expected when her twins were born

Nestled in bed, a baby in each arm, I should've been so happy, but instead I wanted to end my life. After months of terror, separated from my twins by COVID-19 restrictions, I believed my family would be better off without me.

Becoming a mum was always one of my life goals, and after Tom and I met in a pub in November 2011, we both knew that one day we wanted to have a family together.

I I found out I was expecting twins at my 12-week scan in late 2019, and we were stunned but delighted. In January 2020, at 17 weeks pregnant, I learned that I had Selective Intrauterine Growth Restriction (sIUGR) type 2, which meant one of my identical twins had a smaller share of the placenta and was weaker than his brother. There was a 50/50 chance that both could die in the womb. As I broke down, I was offered a selective termination to save the bigger twin, but I couldn't make that decision and decided to place my hope in the doctors caring for us.

Many scans 

For the next 11 weeks, I had multiple scans. Constantly worried, I was haunted by dark thoughts. When the pandemic hit, my anxiety rocketed. Staff were wearing PPE and it was so scary knowing that this virus was all around.