THE TRUTH about dating as a single mum

Rosie Green was shocked by what many men were thinking

- ROSIE GREEN

When I tentatively dipped my toe into the world of online dating, postdivorce, I received a message from a man who was also recently separated. After a day or so of messaging, he revealed he had not been open about his CEO status.

The reason? Fear of being targeted by single mothers who wanted 'rescuing financially'. He felt he was being pursued by women who were 'after my money'. By then he knew I was a single mother, but one who was, he had confirmed, financially independent. I think he thought I'd be pleased he had made this distinction, but instead I felt indignant on behalf of all of the solo mothers deemed to be after a meal ticket. Particularly as that was so far from my own dating desires.

I quickly learnt that to date online is to be judged.

On your looks, your job, your age, your weight, your personality, your banter, your relationship track record. This revelation felt shocking. But what surprised me more was the stigma attached to being a single mother. For the CEO wasn't alone in his trepidation. On discovering my solo parent status, men were often wary of me - and keen to ascertain exactly what my commitments were.

One, half-jokingly, said, 'Someone with children in boarding school is ideal.' For me, dating was a bit of light relief in my darkest time. My ego had been hammered by my marriage break-up at the age of 45, so it was a way of rebuilding my confidence. After the split, my then pre-teen children needed me so much - emotionally, physically and financially. I know they would have liked me to be ever present. I knew their emotional security should be my number one priority - and it was - but I also craved a romantic connection. I knew it would help me heal. So I had to balance my needs and theirs.

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