
Learning self-defence is not about changing your behaviour so perpetrators don't have to change theirs. It is not a solution to what is a systemic and societal issue - the onus is, and solely should be, on the perpetrators. We shouldn't have to learn self-defence to be safe. Period. But having an interest in learning is OK too, and that interest should be your prerogative, there to empower you.
Most people who learn self-defence do so either because they want to have the skills to protect themselves if they are faced with violence one day, or because they have already faced it and never want it to happen again. It's also fair to say that violence towards women and marginalised genders is disproportionately high, so many people learn self-defence because they think violence against them is not only possible, but likely. However, it's very important when learning these skills that we do so through a lens that will empower and not frighten, that we are not running on fear or high alert, but instead appropriating fear to help us be present and aware. Self-defence consists of physical skills, of course, but also mental skills - particularly inner strength and self-worth.
TAKE BACK CONTROL
Grabbing, holding, pinning and choking are the most common types of attack that violent people use against smaller people, and the most common attacks used against women.
To deal with these sorts of attacks when your attacker is stronger than you, you cannot use your strength against their strength. You must use other means to overpower them, which is a skill that can be adapted to all areas of self-defence.
Here you'll find some examples of how to defend against someone who tries to physically control you in these ways*.
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