Mad scientists

A GLIMPSE BEHIND-THE-SCENES AT WHEELS CAR OF THE YEAR 2021

- ASH WESTERMAN

IT WAS MERELY hours into COTY 2021 before the impact of COVID-19 would be felt. Veteran judge Byron Mathioudakis, here attending his 11thconsecutive year, was the first to show symptoms of this insidious virus. Not actual physical sickness symptoms; no, more seriously, a downcast demeanour realising he would have to kerb his natural inclination for skipping around and randomly hugging his fellow judges and the production crew after a year apart.

Some of us – okay, me – actually realise we miss Byron’s affections, so at one point very early in proceedings, I consider pinching the petty cash tin to head into town to buy him a haz-mat suit and a respirator, just so some semblance of high-contact normality can resume.

There’s no question the threat of a communicable disease weighs heavy on every single one of the 16-man testing and production team. At one point, as we stand in a large group for a briefing, I stifle a sneeze behind my face mask. In unison, every person jumps two feet in the air, scatters, and starts making signs of the cross at me. Liquid hits my face. Was the first drops of rain? Or did someone just flick holy water on me?

Tough crowd. As you’ll have read earlier, the judging panel is down to six members, and, for the first time anyone can remember, there’s not a single female amongst our ranks. Oddly, there’s only a marginal increase in fart jokes.