Getting Angry, The Right Way

How to harness your rage and reap the rewards

- Lisa Bendall

THE DRIVER WHO cuts you off in traffic. The neighbours who don’t pick up after their dog. The insurance company that puts you on hold for an eternity. Situations like these get our blood boiling and our hearts racing and send our stress levels skyrocketing. Anger isn’t a pleasant feeling. But neither is the way many of us deal with it. Some of us bottle up our emotions, while others explode in a wild rage. Both habits have repercussions for our bodies, our minds and our relationships.

Anger may feel uncomfortable, but it’s also normal and healthy. “It gets negative press. A lot of people think they have to get rid of their anger,” says Dr. Patrick Keelan, a registered psychologist in Calgary. “But anger is an emotion built into us to signal that something needs to be addressed.” When we take notice of that signal and actually rectify the problem instead of ignoring it, we’re usually much better for it.

It’s an emotion I’ve felt when my husband and I can’t find accessible parking. He drives a wheelchair-equipped van and needs a wider space to manoeuvre in and out of the vehicle, but spots are typically limited. Two years ago, we were annoyed to discover that our local nursery had narrowed an accessible parking space by using part of it to hold pallets of soil bags. We kept our cool and spoke with the manager, who assured us the space would be cleared.

But when we went back a month later and found the pallets were still there—and that a display of river rocks had been set up beside them—we were furious. I took photos, emailed them to the owners of the business, and explained the problem in a clearly written note, adding, “Your company is violating human rights legislation that prohibits discrimination against store customers who have disabilities.” Just 24 hours later, the obstacles had been removed, and the parking space has remained clear ever since.