Selfie

Every moment is a selfie moment for one friend, while another struggles with her insecurities

- TSHOLOFELO DIRE

SELFIE time!” says Sihle, grabbing her cellphone.

“So, your plan is to not let me work?” I say with a sigh, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at my co-worker.

“Nope,” Sihle says with a cheeky grin as she jumps up from her chair in the office we share. She walks around my desk, crouches next to me, stretches her hand, then positions her phone to get the best selfie angle.

I reluctantly huddle close to her as she smiles broadly and says, “Selfie!”

Click, click goes the cellphone camera with Sihle baring her gorgeous smile while I look . . . sheepish.

“Let’s try again,” she says after flicking through the couple of pictures she’s taken.

Looking in that camera and seeing my friend’s beautiful teeth, I’m suddenly filled with anxiety. It’s been an ongoing battle since I was 12.

Loved ones have always told me, “Either accept them or fix them.”

But it’s not as easy as just getting new crowns and smiling through life. I feel an immense sense of guilt about my self-consciousness and obsession with how my smile looks.

But would fixing my teeth mean I want to change who I am? That I don’t believe I am enough? Over and over again I’ve been debating with myself about these questions for the past three months. Ever since I made a decision to do something about my teeth and get a doctor’s opinion. My dentist had tried her best to put my mind at ease regarding the procedure, but I had an internal struggle I could not get over.

I manage a small group of teenage girls focusing on youth mentorship. I worry that the decision to fix my teeth might send the wrong message to them.