TEN TIPS TO CARE FOR YOURSELF - WHILE CARING FOR SOMEONE ELSE

When giving your all in the sacred role of caring for a loved one, an essential piece is often missing from the equation: YOU! You cannot stop living your life. It will not be good for you, and it will certainly not be good for your loved one. The moment you feel trapped, a host of other negative qualities and unhealthy emotions—resentment, anger, impatience, irritability— will begin to creep in.

- HELENE BERGER

Here are ten suggestions to help you put your own needs into the picture when the role of caring for a parent, a spouse, or any loved one becomes your responsibility – no matter what the reason for the decline. When my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s shorty after our fiftieth anniversary, I was determined to find creative ways to make our lives as fulling as possible for as long as possible. One of the essential lessons I learned, was that I needed to be whole in order to give him the best.

1. ESSENTIAL TO HAVE CAPABLE HELP

Most of us find difficulty in recognizing or accepting our need for help. Yet from the dawn of history, man has clustered in tribes or communal groups in order to survive. In our increasingly isolated society, we have difficulty recognizing that at some point in our lives we will need backup. We simply cannot manage without it. What would happen, when you are the sole provider for your loved one’s needs, if you had a fall or an injury or illness that put you in the hospital? Though my husband, Ady, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I did not have extra help until 3 ½ years later when he fell and broke his hip. In retrospect, not having the help during those early years was a mistake. My husband made the greatest strides when I had a few hours of relief each day to do errands or to have time for a walk or a game of tennis. I returned refreshed and ready to give my all. Finding either an aide, friend or family member or even a responsible student to play cards or checkers or chess, enabled me to continue to live as fully as possible under the circumstances—and to deliver better care. Finding the right people is another chapter.

2. FINDING TIME ALONE