The sound of my sister’s laughter punctuates the mixtape blasting blur. It’s the sound of a party I’m missing. I’m on the doorstep, crying Rimmellaced tears onto the shoulder of my boyfriend’s favourite white band tee. I’m 15.
I’ve taken down enough Malibu and pineapple not to care as people step over me to go inside, but there isn’t enough booze at this party – at any party – to crowd out the pain I feel.
“I’m ugly, I’m disgusting, I’m nothing,” I stutter between sobs. It isn’t the first time I’ve said these words – and it won’t be the last. I’ll leave mascara marks on many more T-shirts and miss more parties, job opportunities and school reunions for fear of not looking right. The sad thing is, I suspect this story could just as easily be yours.
A lot of research has shown that many women and adolescent girls feel negatively towards their bodies and how they look. According to Dove’s global beauty and confidence survey, not only is confidence among women declining, but eight out of 10 women said that they’ve cancelled an important activity because of the way they look.
And unlike your taste for Malibu, it isn’t something you grow out of with age: a 45-year-old woman is as likely to be dissatisfied with her appearance as a 19-year-old.
MIRROR IMAGE
Esta historia es de la edición March 2020 de Women's Health South Africa.
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