When You Coach Him To Be A Great BF (...For His Next GF)

Raise your hand if this has happened to you: You dated a guy when he still had his relationship training wheels on. But after spending months—or years!—with you, he learned a bunch of important stuff, like how to share his feelings, buy his newborn niece a cute #OOTD, and chase his dreams. And then…he left, only to take his fresh skills (and the clothes you helped him pick out) straight into a rocksolid bond with someone else.

- Kelsey Mckinney

If you caught the latest finale of The Bachelor, then you saw this infuriating situation go down. A recap: Arie Luyendyk Jr. dumped his fiancée Becca Kufrin for runner-up Lauren Burnham—even though Becca was the one who had helped Arie express himself all season.

So, Becca was the Boyfriend Coach. And no matter how independent, feminist, or modern you are, watching another woman reap what you’ve sown can suck (even if you’re over your ex). Here’s how to deal, plus strategies to help you quit playing this role.

DON’T TOTALLY DESPAIR

Witnessing your formerly inexperienced BF become someone else’s on-the-ball S.O. delivers a stronger sting than your average breakup. For starters, the odds are high that your relationship didn’t work out because of the friction that escalates when one partner is caring and mature and the other is not. And then there’s the added post-split gut punch of noticing your ex has suddenly evolved into the kind of man you wanted all along… but with his new girlfriend.