Why Women Stay In Bad Relationships

We all know them. They’re the ones whose husbands leech off them, who date guys who spell trouble, and who’ve even put their dreams on hold for the relationship. Why do they do it? Are they suckers for punishment? Clara How talks to three women who stuck it out in bad relationships, and learns that the desire to make things work can overwhelm even the most rational of minds.

Here’s the thing about me: When I like someone, the logical part of my brain shuts down, and I become blind to red flags. I think that’s why I stayed with my lazy, ineffectual husband for as long as I did.

Kyle* and I met when I was just 21. He was charismatic, confident and good-looking, and I was attracted to him. But for a long time, our relationship stayed platonic as he didn’t seem keen. To my surprise, he made the first move after things didn’t work out with his then-girlfriend. We dated for three years, and got married when I was 27.

Kyle had big dreams of being his own boss. He tried to open a company, but things never took off. So he resorted to short term projects to get by. His finances were erratic, and borrowing money from me became the norm. But I was so trusting, and loved him so much, that I believed him when he said he would pay me back.

I ran the household and covered all our expenses and the mortgage. He never made monthly contributions, and when we got our flat, my input was vastly disproportionate (I paid $150,000, he put in just $17,000). Whenever money came in from his work stints, he would spend it freely. In fact, he spent money so freely that I had a $20,000 credit card debt at one point. Occasionally, he would buy me gifts, but they were never anything that I truly liked or wanted.