He Didn't Believe I Had Caused Hillary Clinton To Lose The Presidency.

Visiting an old friend has its upsides.

- Lena Dunham

WHEN I WAS IN seventh grade, we moved to Brooklyn and got a dog, two signs of domestication my father had sworn he’d never embrace. There we were, on our Sesame Street–perfect block of carriage houses, with a terrier who rode in the back of a gray Volvo. “This is fucking humiliating,” my father muttered as he loaded us in for a drive to brunch.

But I took to our new neighborhood as if I’d been waiting my whole life for the chipper sitcom that is Brooklyn Heights. “Good morning, Mr. Construction Worker Leering at My Non-Breasts! Pleasure to see you, Old Lady With Substantial Day-Drinking Problem!” I tacked my business cards up in “Pet’s Emporium.” experienced pet groomer, they said, though experienced simply meant I’d purchased a pair of clippers on sale. I was too scared to use the razor, so I gently trimmed dog bangs. I was never hired twice.