Is It Love Or Something Else?

Research into how we choose our mate reveals some surprises

- Lisa Fields

YOU MAY NOT realise it, but when you gaze into your partner’s eyes, there’s a good chance that you’re looking at a modified reflection of yourself. Researchers have found that people choose mates who tend to be of similar size, shape and ethnicity as themselves… and they may even have facial features in common.

Take Lot Geels from Amsterdam and her American husband, Brock Mosovsky, for example. “We both have blonde hair and blue eyes,” says Lot. “Neither of us is very tall. We’re both built athletically and we’re both mainly of European descent.”

Even if you don’t look like your spouse, you likely share nonphysical characteristics, according to a growing field of research, like education level, socioeconomic standing, religion, personality traits, even core values.

Lot and Brock fall into this category as well. “We both have PhDs and work in research,” she says. “We both live an active lifestyle, mainly rock climbing and skiing/ snowboarding. Our world views are pretty similar, and we’re both hardworking, social and friendly people.”

Researchers have been studying the phenomenon of people with similarities pairing up—known as positive assortative mating— for decades. If you’re sure that “opposites attract,” you may be surprised by research findings, which prove that like attracts like. However, if you believe that “birds of a feather flock together,” you probably understand why people overwhelmingly seek life partners who remind them, on some comforting level, of themselves.