The Other Side Of Reality

An accomplished novelist shares what it’s like to live with schizophrenia.

ESMÉ WEIJUN WANG knows she doesn’t fit the stereotype of someone with a psychotic disorder. She has degrees from Stanford and the University of Michigan, a well received novel (and a second in the works), and a devoted husband of nine years. Yet as someone who’s been suffering since her 20s with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, Wang, now 35, has experienced periods of psychosis that include hallucinations and delusions, as well as mania and depression, and has been held in the psych ward three times against her will. Schizophrenia often sets in between ages 16 and 30. While it sometimes runs in families, scientists aren’t sure what causes it. Wang grew up hearing stories about a great-aunt who’d been institutionalized, but she was still shocked to learn that her brain was betraying her. Though she tries to control her disorder, she doesn’t hide it. She talks to students, doctors, and patients about her diagnoses, delusions, and recovery, and in illuminating essays from The Collected Schizophrenias, she shares anecdotes both arch and alarming. O’s health and wellness director, Corrie Pikul, asked Wang to take us inside her mind.

When did you first realize something was wrong?