How To Always Find A Silver Lining

When we come to terms with failure, we learn how to succeed at life, our experts tell Christabel Smith

- Christabel Smith

We all know how it feels when things go pearshaped because we’re human, not computer chips. From doomed relationships and disastrous interviews to spilling coffee over a freshly washed shirt, it’s easy for a sense of shame to take hold. Yet, in the words of Breakfast at Tiffany’s author Truman Capote, “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour.” So channel your inner Holly Golightly – there’s more to be learnt from mess-ups than clear rounds.

1 OWN YOUR TRUTH

There’s no glossing over the fact that love hurts and hearts ache when it ends. As well as the relationship as you knew it, you’re losing the illusion that perfect partnerships exist. But no long-standing couple should feel their years together were a failure, when there was kindness, support, laughter, and camaraderie along the way. When you emerge from grief, says divorcée Elizabeth Day, you begin to see new opportunities and feel freer to explore them.

DO IT In the wake of a broken marriage, friends often take sides and offer up unhealthy statements like “But you were the couple to beat”. Avoid these people. Only you know your own truth, and it’s for no one else to judge.

2 CELEBRATE POSITIVES

If your children feel like failures, resist blaming your parenting, as that will sap your strengthand help no one. The Child Mind Institute (childmind.org) helps parents teach kids how to fail by empathising with their frustrations, then talking through failure as an inevitable part of life. Even young kids can begin to understand how perseverance and resilience can help you thrive.