CATCH ‘EM YOUNG, NIP IT IN THE BOY

Not raising our sons properly has led to the abysmally skewed gender dynamic and sexual violence against women

- Tara Kaushal

MY SPOUSE, Sahil recently put up a proud Facebook post about my tenacity through the slow and solitary act of writing. “I lost my spouse to her book,” he said. “I’m not complaining or resentful, not at all, just stating things as they were for three years, and feeling really proud.” A friend commented, “I know how lucky you are, compared to so many that have partners who are jealous and controlling. To have a partner who helps you to attain goals and is supportive is like winning the lottery.”

I know how lucky I am, especially as an Indian woman married to an Indian man. Here, let alone a partnership where it’s ‘the man behind the successful woman,’ even regular egalitarian partnerships aren’t the norm. Most men expect to be on top.

We live in a gendered society with entrenched rigid norms and overarching male bias instilled from birth. A version of ‘may you bear a hundred sons’ exists in many Indian languages. Although sexselective abortions are banned, they remain the primary cause of India’s sixty-three million ‘missing girls’.

Customs to celebrate childbirth are often not performed for a daughter. Kua Poojan, a custom in North India, involves welcoming the birth of a son by worshipping at the family well or other sources of drinking water. When a daughter is born, some of these communities deposit trash in dustbins. The myth is that celebrating the birth of a girl will cause more girls to be born.