Who's Bringing Up Your Kids?

While well-meaning relatives are keen on advising you about the upbringing of your child, you need take control of the situation.

- Amrita Chatwal

Namrata, a neighbour and friend in Delhi, lives in a large joint family. There’s her in-laws, her unmarried sister-in-law, her father-in-law’s brother and his family too. Whew! I asked her how she manages to adjust and compromise with so many people and this was her reply: “It’s not very difficult. I just listen to everything that everyone says, and then ultimately do what I feel is right, after consulting my husband. The only time I totally lost my cool was when everyone wanted to tell me how to raise my child. That’s when I put my foot down and made a few issues very clear.”

Unarguably, when there are elders in the family, they may be wise and experienced in bringing up kids. “However,” says Delhi-based family counsellor Dr Nisha Khanna, “they are also unaware of the latest research on child rearing and sometimes have fixed ideas that need to be handled tactfully. In order to maintain the peace in an Indian joint family, young mums need to be manipulative and diplomatic.”

Joint families are a blessings in India. There are advantages like having a babysitter on demand. But, there are disadvantages like too much interference. Bringing up children the right way is a topic on which everyone— from your otherwise amiable mum-in law to your husband’s spinster aunt—has a strong opinion about. And if your philosophy does not concur with their’s, you’re in for some trouble. How then, in a joint family environment, do you ensure that you’re bringing up your child the way you want to? How do you lay down the law and make sure that the rules you set are followed? Read on to find out.

POINTS OF CONFLICT