33rd Anniversary To My One And Only

My wife, Pam, and I were married in May 2004, three days after Massachusetts became the first state to make samesex marriage legal. So, for the past 12 years, we have recognized May 20 as our “official” anniversary date.

- Donna Capodelupo

Except it’s not. Our “real” anniversary takes place each year in October. This is our thirty-third.

Many “first-wave” same-sex married couples no doubt share our reluctance to adopt our “legal” anniversaries instead of the original ones we celebrated, whether they mark a first date, first intimate encounter, move-in date, declaration of monogamy, or whatever signaled the permanent nature of our arrangements.

Pam’s and my legally recognized marriage came 21 years after our own non-legal but every bit as binding ceremony. We’re not about to discount the 21 years between the day we celebrated our commitment to each other and the day the state finally agreed to legitimize it.

A lot happened during those 21 years. We saw each other through the deaths of parents and grandparents, bought a house, learned to live as a couple instead of two people. We weathered lean financial times and nursed each other through serious illnesses. We shared great joys and shattering heartaches.