High Tree-Son

Needled Into A Pinus Falsus, Jeremy Fir-gets His Principles

The world is divided into two types of people: Those who prefer real Christmas trees, and Muppets.

You guessed it: I’m a realer. Always have been, always will be. I love the aroma, the joy of finding the perfect pine, the dropped needles, the beautiful irregular symmetry of nature, impossible to synthesise. I disdain artifice.

Get a tree or don’t get a tree. But don’t invite some pale, bogus imitation into your home.

My family knows this of me and it has not been questioned. Until this year.

I laughed when Megan first suggested a pretend pine. It was October. I figured she just wanted to start Christmas ridiculously early and was using her normal tactic of suggesting an artificial tree, knowing I would instinctively insist on a real tree, which we would then acquire.