My Deepest God-Feeling

Megha Bajaj comes to the realisation that knowing God is a blissful and continuous process, and a journey that everyone must take

For aeons and aeons, man has been trying to demystify God. He has been trying to understand that force, in the presence of which everything works and in the absence of which nothing does. He is trying to comprehend who his Source is and what it wants from himthe purpose of his life. And for every question that he has asked and found some answer to, he has found himself a little more peaceful. A little closer to his Source. A little more intimate with God.

For me, too, God has been an endless quest.

I was much more interested in knowing God than anything that my textbooks or school teachers could teach me. I would bunk school and find relief on a rusted tank on my terrace overlooking the sea, where I could sit for hours and simply wonder about life. About the Creator. And yes, about this particular curly-haired, wide-eyed, creation me.

Meditation happened naturally to me. Since I realised God could not be found on Google and no one outside of me really had any explanation that could satisfy me, I started closing my eyes and looking within.

Perhaps, as the sages suggested, the answers were closer than I comprehended.

Initially, all I could observe within me were thoughts. The day-to-day routine stuff: What is there for dinner? I better study for some time. What are my parents doing? What should I wear for her party? And so on. I watched them, and I watched them. Suddenly, I realised that since I was watching my thoughts, I wasn't my thoughts. So, there was a 'me' and then, there were my thoughts. I wasn't my thoughts. So, who was I? And then I went deeper. I realised I had a lot of feelings. Sometimes I felt intense love or bliss.