THE GIFT OF PEACE

Ah, Christmas - a time of joy, love and tension, says Debra Waters. Here's how to manage family fallouts while keeping a smile on your face

- Debra Waters

21% of people say seeing certain family members at Christmas causes them stress*

Do you recall those halcyon Christmases of childhood? Of gifts galore and eating your body weight in sugar? When your only worry was getting to sleep on Christmas Eve?

Fast-forward to adulthood and Christmas is a very different experience. The amount of organising involved could make a CEO sweat, and keeping everyone happy can take UN levels of diplomacy. Instead of anticipating the magic of Yuletide, you're in a heightened state of anxiety before you have even made it to December, as you attempt to juggle your extended family's requirements with a gift list as long as your arm and a required food budget big enough to feed a small country.

Family 'negotiations' can start months before the supermarket aisles are filled with tinsel and turkeys - mine started in July. And your steely resolve that it'll be 'just us this year'? Yet again, you find yourself wavering as a sense of 'duty' and some clever guilt-tripping come into play (example: 'This may be your last Christmas? You said that last year, but well-played, Auntie Pat!').

My festive sob story? The blissful Italian-themed Christmas I planned has been supplanted by an 800 km round-trip, complete with service station sandwiches, to see every living relative.

And it's not just the lead-up. Christmas Day itself can bear witness to an array of emotionally manipulative tactics, from passiveaggressive eye-rolling to epic door-slamming. My blood pressure has gone up just thinking about it.

Fortunately, there are ways to circumnavigate this. The first? Remember one thing-while you can't change your nearest and dearest, you can change your mindset. What will help you weather festive storms is not trying to be all things to all people, but understanding yourself - your boundaries, triggers and limitations and managing your own expectations.