Who should I go in fancy dress as? And, no, it won't be Harold Bishop

HELP! I'm hosting a charity event in Glasgow tomorrow, dear reader, and we're supposed to dress up as a famous pop star.

- TAM COWAN

Any ideas? And before any smart arses suggest the usual suspects Harold Bishop from Neighbours, darts player Stephen Bunting or Pauline Quirke from Birds of a Feather - yep, they're all good lookalikes, but they haven't hit the UK charts.

So what do you reckon? Dig out the kaftan and go as Demis Roussos? Pull on a V-neck sweater and see if anyone remembers the wee tubby guy from Renee & Renato? Or shall I just bite the bullet and go as one of The Weather Girls.

These fancy dress parties are a recipe for disaster.

A few weeks ago, my pal Johnny went to an 80s night dressed up as Boy George - and everyone was in their 80s...

At the same event a few years ago, the cabaret was none other than The Bay City Rollers.

Which explains why I took to the stage in a rather loud, threepiece tartan suit.

As one audience member later commented: "I'm bet you're relieved they didn't book The St. Winifred's School Choir..." My only other lasting memory of that afternoon? The event was sponsored by Itison