Joséphine electrifies this unconventional war epic

WELL, blimey: boning sure does play a big part in this biopic of Napoleon Bonaparte. Perhaps weary of the fact that Spielberg is readying his seven-part HBO series based on Stanley Kubrick's infamous script - not to mention Abel Gance's 330-minute silent 1927 epic, 1967's seven-hour War And Peace and plenty of others - Ridley Scott has gone for a different flavour: two and a half hours that could, and maybe should, be titled Napoleon et Joséphine. Or maybe even just Joséphine.

- Hamish McBain

This is a film that has its central general, at the critical moments of his most famous conflicts, agonising over what to write to the love of his life. "Tell me there are no snakes in your bed, inside what is mine?" he purrs obsessively as thousands of troops wait on his orders. There are as many sex scenes as there are battles, and quite outrageous (and often kinky) they are too.