Flicking down the edge of the bundle with my finger I would glance at the huddle of boys trading the hottest commodity in the playground with a nervousness that was enough to hold me back from even trying to join in.
I could play football, sure, that was the easy part, but could I talk their talk, did I know football? Of course I did. I watched it, I played it, I read the back pages, but it never felt like I belonged. And so, my little stack of swaps remained unswapped, shinies unshared, and my pocket money was depleted as I spent it trying to accrue my missing targets, never completing a book.
When I wanted little gold cannon earrings? I had to spend double, buying two from the Arsenal store as they were only sold individually for boys and men. When I wanted a shirt? It was a boys' small, boys' medium or boys' large shirt that fitted awkwardly on the hips as I edged towards puberty. When I wanted to play Fifa 97? I played as the Arsenal men's team. As a girl, I was excluded from the culture of football as much as I was from playing it.
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