HYPNOTISED to happiness

When Jacqueline Carson's life was ripped apart by cancer and grief, she found the key to putting it back together

- VERONIQUE HAWKSWORTH

Working in my fast-paced job in social services, I thought nothing of smoking 30 cigarettes a day. It was 2013, and my demanding role in child protection was taking its toll, making me stressed and anxious. My personal life offered no respite, either. When my relationship broke down in the same year, I became even more dependent on smoking.

I’d smoked since I was 23, telling myself it would help me lose weight after a break-up, but when I lost my mum to a stroke soon after, my bad habit had worsened.

Now, while a part of me felt relieved to get out of my relationship, I mourned it too. I’d only ever thought of myself as a social drinker before, but then, with no partner at home, the only thing I had to look forward to after a stressful day was a glass of red wine. I told myself it was to help me relax and denied any suspicion that my drinking was fast becoming another problem.

When my dad passed away in October 2013, I wondered how much more grief I could take. To cope, I just blocked everything out.

Turning point

But then, five months later, my world came crashing down once again. In March 2014, about to start a new managerial job, I found a lump and discovered I had stage-three breast cancer. Standing in front of the consultant, I broke down, unable to process why it had happened to me. He said it was just the luck of the draw, but I knew there had to be more to it.

At home, I started researching the causes of cancer, desperate to regain control over my body. Even though there was no way I could prove exactly how I’d got cancer, I was sure years of intense stress and bad habits had contributed to my illness.