HAVING A BABY DESTROYED MY SEX LIFE

Clio Wood found her marriage really suffered after the birth of her daughter

- CLIO WOOD

If you hear friends, or even celebrities saying they are having lots of post-birth sex, take it with a pinch of salt. I found it excruciatingly painful the first time my husband Bryn and I tried it, around six weeks after the birth of our daughter Delphi, who is now nine. Sex is the one thing you can fib about and no one will find out.

That first time, for me, the worst thing was that I had initiated the sex, because I wanted to feel a sense of normality in this new role as a mum – to feel like the person I had been before. It couldn’t have been further from the truth. At this point we had been together for six years, and pre-birth we had a happy, healthy sex life either weekly or fortnightly. The birth had been difficult. It was vaginal and after a long labour I had to have ventouse – an instrument that uses suction to attach a cup on to the baby’s head – then forceps, with episiotomy, which had left scarring. Still, I was so surprised at the pain during sex.

It felt like shards of glass. I felt something must be wrong. So I asked my GP, who didn’t think it was anything serious. During the first year after the birth, we had penetrative sex only once or twice more because it was so painful. We were able to cuddle but were also both so tired from early parenthood that sometimes even a smooch felt too much. Snuggling up on the sofa watching a film, Bryn would try to initiate something with a gentle kiss, but I immediately backed off, even though I could see he felt hurt.