Pulling out a tray of freshly baked cinnamon buns, I breathed in their deliciously sugary smell and couldn’t resist the temptation as I grabbed one and scoffed it down in two bites. It was November 2019, and for the past 10 years I’d been a pastry chef, baking my own unique, tasty treats including buns, cakes, sweets and ice cream. Since 2016, I’d worked on a luxury cruise ship, sailing around exotic locations like Hawaii, Mexico, the Caribbean and Alaska.
It wasn’t as glamorous as it sounds though and most days I was up early, on my feet in the kitchen for hours, rarely stopping for a proper meal. Instead, I’d tuck into leftovers, or my own desserts, including huge spoonfuls of cookie dough batter and buttercream, and slices of cake fresh from the oven.
CRUEL COMMENTS
It showed on my waistline, but then I’d been battling with my weight since I was a child. Now aged 33, I was 5ft 7in tall, weighed around 16st 11lb and wore a dress size 24. I tried to hide my body away under my baggy chef’s scrubs, then back in my cabin I’d dress in the dark in the early hours of the morning, avoiding any mirrors. But just like the girls at school who called me The Blob, I still got fat-shamed. ‘Never trust a skinny chef, that’s my motto,’ a guest winked as I walked through the dining hall one evening. I laughed along and smiled, but I was mortified. It wasn’t just the way I looked though. My body ached and I felt tired and sluggish.
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