When people first heard the news, they would ask one of two questions: how long were you together, and why did it end? The first answer was easy - 22 years. But the second was much, much harder. Because honest answers about long relationships can take a while.
We met at work, in the late 1990s. A basement office with hardly any light, and just two weeks to get to know each other before he moved away to start a new job. I had never dreamt of white weddings and finger food before, but I knew - as crazy as it may sound - that, one day, we would get married. And we did. Now that it is over, it's easy to forget those early days of nicknames and picnics and colleagues commenting on our never-ending public displays of affection. We were a pair of smug marrieds. And then, gradually, very gradually, we weren't.
Some relationships are broken by infidelity. Some by lies or abuse. Ours was more of a humdrum ending, quietly ground down by the day-to-day. We had moved abroad and back, lost three pregnancies, had a child. Renovated a home, nicely. But the drift had set in. And by the time we realised how bad it had become, it had run away from us completely. I had stopped appreciating him, and he barely noticed me at all. We had become two people united in our unhappiness, and after six months of counselling, agreed that our relationship had run its course. It felt like the biggest of failures - both for our 10-year-old daughter, and for the hopeful pair we once were. I was absolutely petrified about what my life would be like, newly single and nearing 50, but in the three years since our split, it has been gently transformed. Yes, it has been hard. The truth is, separation - whether you chose it or your ex chose it for you - can be stressful and lonely, and can change practically every aspect of your life. But it can also be the start of something very good, and completely unexpected.
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