The Loitering Heart and the Wounded Moon

Shweta Upadhyay responds to the lockdown diaries of two artists that explore themes of waiting and confinement, and address issues related to the erasure of Urdu.

- Shweta Upadhyay

Two recent shows displayed lockdown diaries by artists Arshi Irshad Ahmadzai and Baaraan Ijlal. The diaries consisted of images and text that revealed their reveries, ruminations and reflections during the lockdown. Diaries fasten experiences and thoughts on the page. They inscribe our desires and dreads of a particular moment. As a viewer one can be assailed by a feeling of guilt as well as perverse pleasure at having access to someone else’s intimate thoughts. Even though these works are on display, a breach of privacy is embedded within this form, though in both these cases the guilt is somewhat obscured by the fact that the text is in Urdu.

The text confronts you and questions your ignorance. In Ahmadzai’s works, the copious texts accumulate and acquire the status of pictorial objects like archaeological glyphs. Some of the arrangements of the text remind you of shutters, walls, windows and latticed grilles – architectural features that demarcate the interior and the exterior, absence and presence, still air and wind, mustiness and fragrance.

Both these artists are preoccupied with the place of self in relation to the outside world. Ahmadzai’s encounter with the exterior world and natural elements starts with her process. She uses flowers, roses and carnations, from her mother’s garden, soaks them in water and uses them as dye on Manjarpat fabric which was earlier left out in the rain. This fabric is cut into pieces and sewn to make a diary.