‘I got to hear my beautiful girl's last breaths'

Sue Grahame, 67, lost her daughter – Big Brother star Nikki, 38 – after a decades-long struggle with anorexia

- LUCY CLARKE-BILLINGS

Nikki stopped eating her dinner shortly before her eighth birthday. “I’m not hungry,” she announced. Nothing major had happened, but overnight it was like she had become a sad, solemn, withdrawn little girl.

I remember it was Mother’s Day and we were out for a family meal. Not only would she not eat, but she wouldn’t sit down. She stood close to my side at the table as though she was under attack.

Very gradually, she started losing weight, and a couple of months after I’d first spotted her lack of appetite, the school rang to tell me she wasn’t participating and was struggling to concentrate.

I didn’t realise it at the time but she was ditching her packed lunch and not eating for the whole school day.

I used to be a fan of Karen Carpenter [an American singer who died in 1983 of anorexia, aged 32], so the word “anorexia” had crossed my mind. I thought it might be an eating disorder so I took her straight to the doctor.

Unfortunately, all those years ago, GPs weren’t as knowledgeable about eating disorders and I was told it was just a phase she was going through. I knew from the very start that I was up against it.

I started to bring Nikki home from school at lunchtime so I could supervise her meals, as from day one it was like she was an experienced anorexic. It was like it was always there, waiting to come out, and she knew all the tricks to avoid eating.

I was so desperate for her to put on weight that I’d make her sit naked to eat her food – otherwise spaghetti bolognese would end up stuffed in her socks or hidden in her knickers. When she was really angry with me, it went up the wall.