How To Have Good Sex In A Long-term Relationship

Yes, it is possible to have good sex in a long-term relationship. Here’s how

When things aren’t quite right in your sex life and intimacy is lacking, it can be a source of worry and relationship stress. Especially in these days of lockdown when we need to support each other even more. But there’s much that can be done if you’re willing to make the effort, says Cate Campbell, a psychosexual counsellor and author of The Relate Guide to Sex and Intimacy.

USE YOUR WORDS

Many couples avoid explaining how they feel and what they really want for fear of hurting one another’s feelings, causing an argument or making a fool of themselves. People say things like “I want more sex” because it sounds more confident than “I’m afraid you’ve lost interest in me”.

But being vulnerable in this way promotes intimacy. Also, the clearer you are with your partner about what you do and don’t want, the more likely you are to have your desires met.

Intimacy-builder Say what you want and own it. Avoid blaming your partner. Use “l” rather than “you” statements. For example, say, “When we haven’t had sex for a while I worry that you don’t like me anymore” rather than “You never want sex”.

BRING BACK YOUR SEXY SELVES

Ageing, parenting and the daily grind eat away at your sexual relationship and sensual feelings over time. One way to improve your sex life is to seize opportunities to keep the fire between you alive.

Make physical intimacy with your partner part of your everyday life, several times a day, and appreciate when they are offering you affection and intimacy.

It’s these moments that make your relationship special and honour the unique connection you share.

Intimacy-builder