How I Medicated With Make-Up
Cosmopolitan UK|February 2019

When a lipgloss soothes a young girl’s pain of being bullied, what happens next? LAURA CAPON explains what life is like when you’re addicted to cosmetics

Laura Capon
How I Medicated With Make-Up
It’s 11.39pm and, rather than getting the sleep my twitchy eye tells me I so desperately need, I’m scrolling through Kyliecosmetics.com and adding a highlighter palette to my shopping bag. Of course I don’t need another highlighter. I have over 100 illuminating products already, and only ever use the same three shades. But then that’s not the point. You see, my relationship with cosmetics is, how can I put this… complicated. Make-up has been there at some of the most joyous moments of my life (first dates, friends’ weddings, family celebrations), but it has also been there during the darkest times too.

I’m 31 years old now, and my make-up obsession (for it is an obsession) began when I was 15. Right about the time I started being bullied. I would save up my weekly wages from my after-school job mopping the local bakery floors and buy a new Versace lipgloss every month from the local department store. I wasn’t a chubby child, but not long after I hit puberty my body started to pad out. That meant secondary school became a cold and hostile place.

Unfathomably, while other girls remained annoyingly tiny, chowing down on sausage rolls at break time, I grew. It was the kind of puppy fat that I hoped would disappear one summer so I could have that high-school transformation you see in the movies. But, despite exercising regularly and eating the same as everyone else, I just got bigger.

Boys were the worst, publicly embarrassing me with their “Michelin Man” comments, or telling me I’d won the award for “most obese student”. Unsurprisingly, I became terrified of them, afraid even to look up when I walked around. The thought of heading into school every Monday morning made me feel physically sick. On Sunday evenings, I would cry in the shower, a feeling that has stayed with me to this day. I wanted nothing more than to disappear.

This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM COSMOPOLITAN UKView all
‘Is Three Relationships Too Many?'
Cosmopolitan UK

‘Is Three Relationships Too Many?'

With his girlfriend out of town, Jack’s* wife suggests he finds a third partner

time-read
3 mins  |
January 2019
Brave New Beauty
Cosmopolitan UK

Brave New Beauty

Is tech about to revolutionise your skincare regime and transport you into a whole new universe of beautification? Joanna Taylor isn’t always convinced…

time-read
6 mins  |
January 2019
How The Gig Economy Is Killing Millennials…
Cosmopolitan UK

How The Gig Economy Is Killing Millennials…

I put in 18-hour days. I work in the same room I sleep in. I never know when or if I’ll be paid. I go days without speaking to anyone.

time-read
10+ mins  |
April 2019
Could Your #AvoOnToast Get You Headhunted?
Cosmopolitan UK

Could Your #AvoOnToast Get You Headhunted?

Quite possibly. But you’ll have to catch the eye of a new breed of talent scout first. Here’s how…

time-read
5 mins  |
April 2019
The Robot Wars
Cosmopolitan UK

The Robot Wars

For decades, mankind has feared the day technology becomes cleverer than us. Now it’s here, and we were too busy trying to sync our Sonos to notice. Welcome to The Big Techover...

time-read
5 mins  |
April 2019
Hot-Air Health Myths... Exploded
Cosmopolitan UK

Hot-Air Health Myths... Exploded

Think you’re up to date with the basic rules of staying in shape? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you probably aren’t…

time-read
5 mins  |
March 2019
The Darkside Of BodyBuilding
Cosmopolitan UK

The Darkside Of BodyBuilding

Amateur fitness competitions have gone mainstream – but do they provide a “healthy” cover for those hiding deadly eating disorders? Former competitor Rebecca Barnes, 22, certainly thinks so.

time-read
5 mins  |
May 2019
The Stacy Dooley Effect
Cosmopolitan UK

The Stacy Dooley Effect

From the frontline to the dancefloor, Stacey Dooley defied all the odds to become TV’s golden girl. But it could have worked out very differently

time-read
8 mins  |
May 2019
Kings Of The Night
Cosmopolitan UK

Kings Of The Night

Sex, champagne and parties on tap… what could possibly go wrong? BOBBY PALMER spends the night with the most successful club promoter in London

time-read
9 mins  |
May 2019
Is Beauty A Tickıng Timebomb?
Cosmopolitan UK

Is Beauty A Tickıng Timebomb?

With their legions of fans, beauty-brand founders have exploded onto the scene – sometimes becoming celebrities in their own right. But what happens when their behaviour eclipses their products? Laura Capon investigates

time-read
10 mins  |
May 2019