The Inbetweeners

How do you cope when you find yourself teetering on the precipice between HOMES, JOBS, RELATIONSHIPS or a big move ABROAD; one foot still in an old life before leaping into something new? The answer is most likely STRESSED, ANXIOUS and DESPERATE to tether yourself to stability once more. But when ABIGAIL BERGSTROM embraced the uncertainty of her liminal life, she discovered that profound possibilities exist in this ‘fertile void’

-  ABIGAIL BERGSTROM

I became acutely aware that my life was stuck in the ‘in between’ one Tuesday afternoon when I received a gift from a friend in the post. Two oyster shells, still smelling of the sea and lacquered with gold foil, to be used as salt and pepper dishes. They’re beautiful. But I wrapped them back up in their pink paper. Like me, they’re in limbo, waiting to come into their own and establish themselves in a real home, one day.

Most of my things are in storage as I lodge with my boyfriend Mark at his family friend Brenda’s home while she’s living abroad. Just writing that makes me anxious, reminding me of the tenuous reality of my situation. I gave up my beloved but-too-small flat so we could cohabit during lockdown(s), so I sit by someone else’s fireplace, surrounded by their art and bathe in their tub. I’m technically at home, but also not: I’m living in the shadow of my future home as my partner and I try to buy our first one together.

T S Eliot wrote in his poem, The Hollow Men: ‘Between the idea / And the reality / Between the motion / And the act / Falls the Shadow.’ I lurk in this shadow in my relationship, as well as in my living situation. We met on Tinder – retro, I know – and started dating four months before the pandemic hit. Despite being together for a year and a half, we’ve never attended a work event together, never been clubbing, nor to a wedding or gig. Our relationship has existed in the spaces in between lockdowns, tiers and travel restrictions. Oh, and just when it seemed I couldn’t catapult my life any further into the sea of uncertainty,