I Needed to Get Away or I Was Going to Die

Melanie Clarke, 32, suffered violence for years at the hands of her boyfriend. Now she helps women going through the same ordeal.

When you’re a teenager you just think about the here and now; you don’t think about the future, or whether you’re dating the kind of person you want to spend your life with. I met Jack* when I was only 14. Even from the start he was very controlling. He would give me a hard time if I wanted to see my friends, and would always call to check where I was. I was so young, I wasn’t mentally equipped to deal with the manipulation, and by the time I turned 16, the relationship had become a lot more serious...

Early signs

My parents didn’t like Jack, but I was stubborn and wanted to rebel. He had his own flat, so I’d go round to see him there; he rarely came to my house. The first sign of Jack’s violent streak was when he smashed a mirror with a hammer during an argument. I had never seen anyone behave like that before, so I was really frightened, but I stayed and eventually he calmed down and apologised. I didn’t tell my parents what had happened.

Afterwards, I did think about leaving him a few times, but he would get on his hands and knees, crying. I’d always feel sorry for him and believed he would change. Then at 19, I got pregnant and Jack wasn’t supportive at all – in fact, he became nasty, saying he’d make sure the baby was taken away. Even after our son arrived, he was so irresponsible; he couldn’t keep a job, never had money to help out, and although he said he’d find somewhere for us to live, that never happened either. Eventually, I moved out of my parents’ house to my own flat.

Angry outbursts