Too Poor To Divorce?

Many women are trapped in miserable marriages, simply because they can’t afford to leave. So what happens next? Our experts offer advice on how to move on.

Crying herself to sleep at night is a regular occurrence for Sue Kelly*, 40. By day, she puts on a brave face: her part-time job as a receptionist earns her R10 000 a month, and her two children are the light of her life. ‘But it’s after the kids have gone to bed and I’m on my own with my husband that I feel trapped in my marriage.’ 

Sue stays with her spouse, Alec*, because she can’t afford to leave – and she’s part of a growing trend. New research reveals one in seven divorced or separated people have stayed together for longer than they wanted to because of financial concerns. Women are more likely to be financially worse off after a break-up: a study by Old Mutual shows that 53 percent of SA’s men contribute to a pension or provident fund, as opposed to only 47 percent of women. So it’s easy to see why staying put is ‘better’ than leaving.

No way out?

‘I earn a small part-time salary, we have no savings, and we owe about R30 000 on credit cards and a small bank loan for our last car,’ says Sue. ‘Thankfully Alec earns a decent salary from his job in construction, and that’s what we rely on to keep our heads above water every month.’ The problem is that Alec had a two-year affair six years ago with a close family friend – a betrayal that Sue cannot forgive, and which has slowly strangled the love she once felt for the man she married 12 years ago. ‘We went to marriage guidance counselling for six months, but try as I might, I just can't forgive Alec for what he did to me,’ says Sue.