As a kid, I did not understand much about prayers or temples—or even God— but I remember going on a pilgrimage as an 11-year-old. I eagerly waited outside the temple door, but not for darshan (worship), as one would imagine; it was to relish the curd being sold outside! Some of my relatives responded to this by calling me a nastik, which means an atheist or a nonbeliever in God.
I also have a childhood memory of how I tried to bribe God by offering him five rupees and a coconut if he helped me achieve the desired score in my final exams. My mom very patiently explained to me that, as a Jain, we believe in karma. So if you put in the effort to study, you make the grade; else, you don’t. However, it was not okay to bribe God to curry favour. An important lesson learnt there.
As a teenager, I needed to find my identity and be different from the herd, so I chose to tell the world that I was an atheist. It helped me get some much-needed attention. Also, maybe it was my way of rebelling. I told my friends that I visited the temple only to appreciate its architectural beauty and had no leanings towards religion.
Love and God
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