Chivalry ain't dead

Here's how to reconcile old-fashioned manners with modern-day expectations.

- By Sable Yong

Whenever I feel a kiss coming at the end of a good first date, I give the guy the "Look"-you know, the one that says "embrasse-moi" in the sultry French accent I don't have. But despite my attempts to say yes with my eyes, I often see him hesitate before making a move as if he's doing a lengthy algebra equation in his head.

This confusion could easily be solved with a simple question: "Can I kiss you?" But that's not really cinematic canon, is it? It's clunky and vulnerable. It is confirming consent, however, which is important. I know plenty of men and women who are either horrified at the idea of someone lunging at their mouth or else horrified at the idea of being cringingly asked if it's okay to kiss them now. Does this stress you out? It stresses me out.

Sweeping a woman off her feet in a society that values gender equality can feel as complicated as learning a new TikTok dance. If chivalry were still alive and well, this wouldn't be an issue that dance has been around since, what, the Middle Ages? Imagine wooing someone at a time when 90 percent of the work involved getting her dad's permission and the remaining 10 percent was dropping a couple of fair maidens here and some miladys there-you know, back when you got a lot of mileage out of milady.