How To Save A Relationship In Eight Dates

The secret to lasting love? Have conversations that count, relationship experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman tell ARIELLE TCHIPROUT

- Arielle Tchiprout

Do you remember, when you first fell in love, having conversations that seemed to last forever? When there was so much to learn? Under the sheets at 2am or on planes to new cities? You’d talk about your childhoods and ambitious dreams with wide-eyed wonder. Yet, somewhere along the way – after moving in together, getting married or having kids – the questions you asked switched from, ‘What’s your biggest fear?’ to ‘Can you pick up the dry-cleaning?’ Sadly, long-term couples don’t talk enough. ‘We often have meaningful conversations in the stardust of connecting to each other, but when relationships develop, these conversations get put on the back burner and grow cold over time,’ says Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of The Gottman Institute. ‘One study of married couples found that they spoke privately, on average, for just 35 minutes a week.’

According to her, this is a cause of disconnect in relationships and can be the catalyst for breakdown. This is why she and her husband, acclaimed relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, have co-authored a book, Eight Dates (Penguin), to guide couples to have more sincere conversations and improve their relationships.